I feel out of place in the era of "Zero Fucks." I never quite feel like I belong in this age of shrugged shoulders and clean consciences. I still require my confrontations to be followed by a nap to help with the emotional exhaustion, and a snack marathon to heal the churning in my stomach. I still have bruised knees and a bruised ego when I fail. I still feel sincerely apologetic when I can't follow through with plans. And I can't help it- but I still care if people like me, or at the very least think that I'm kind.
Everyone's asking, "who gives a fuck?" and I hear myself whisper, "I do."
I give So. Many. Fucks.
Don't get me wrong- I see the appeal. I'm willing to bet those carefree and unapologetic mindsets toss and turn way less at night. But for me? That mindset just creates a giant, uncomfortable, disconnect between my head and my heart. Because my heart isn't lukewarm. My heart cares. My heart cares if my actions were out of character. My heart has already planned its whole speech before it comes out my mouth. My heart wakes up with the best of intentions, and it breaks when it falls short.
Maybe this is you. Maybe you've tried to navigate a more casual course, but you just wound up feeling even more lost. Maybe it's just who we are, and maybe we have to accept that it's OK. Maybe we can't afford to give zero fucks when we're already too invested in giving a damn.